


Torn Pages

by AssbuttToTheWorld



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dean Winchester - Freeform, Dean Winchester-Centric, Dean's Diary, Dean's Journal, Dean's feelings, Dean-Centric, Deans Creation Challenge, Diary, Emotional, Emotional Dean, Emotional pain, Emotions, Feelings, Hurt, Hurt Dean, Hurt Dean Winchester, Lonely Dean, Other, Sad, Writing, deancc, diary entry, done, left alone, tired
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-27
Updated: 2016-03-27
Packaged: 2018-05-29 13:42:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6378031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AssbuttToTheWorld/pseuds/AssbuttToTheWorld
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean found an old book in the trash. And begins to write in it and use it as his diary.</p><p>My entry for the Dean Creations Challenge on Tumblr ( http://assbutttotheworld.tumblr.com/)<br/>My Prompt was: Quotes from other tv shows “I’m tired of being clobbered” <br/>The Category: Prosa</p>
            </blockquote>





	Torn Pages

I am not the type for all these ‘dear diary’-things. Although, I don’t know if I can call you diary, if I found you inside the trash of our motel room. I have no clue, why I actually do this, why I write on these pages. But I need to write this down. And hope, no one ever finds this. Especially not my father. (Sometimes I doubt, I can call him that) 

Maybe I picked you up… because you’re still good. But already in the trash. Maybe your pages are torn, maybe your cover is a little ripped and dirty, but that is not your fault. They did this to you. It was not your choice to get broken and torn. But they threw you away. Like you weren’t worth much, like you were not even worth the dirt under their fingernails.

They destroyed you and threw you away, without hesitation, without a second thought, because you were broken. But they were the ones who ripped you apart. Who hit you, who hurt you, and then left you alone in the dark. Left you to cope with yourself, your emotions, your feelings, all alone. With no helping hand. No, they turned their backs, pretending you weren’t even there! Pretending you were fine!  
You are not fine! You sometimes want to hear a loving word. A ‘well done’, a ‘I am glad you exist’. You sometimes want to be held closely to another beating heart. To be able to rest, even for a few moments on someone’s shoulder, to keep the weight on your back from crashing you completely.

But no one ever listens. No one ever cares. No one ever asks if you need anything. If you need help, when you need it the most. They only keep hitting. They keep throwing punches in your face. Not only with fists, but with words. They cut deep into your heart, into your soul. They crush every single fiber of your body. They destroy every will. They drown every so small flame.

Why do they keep thinking, that they can rip page for page from you, but you will stay whole? Why do they think, they can empty you, but you still need to have a reason to go on? Why do they think, that you’re still alright, while they tear you apart?  
But they play you, like a card. They act, like the fault isn’t theirs, but yours. Like it is your fault you get hit, and clobbered and broken. That it is your fault alone, that your pages are ripped and your cover is torn. Although, they are the ones, who keep hitting you, clobbering you, who rip your pages and tear your cover. They keep going on. And then, they wonder that you’re broken. And then they wonder that you’re done. And then, they throw you away, into the trash.

But it was all your fault…

_\- Dean Winchester -_


End file.
